Fear & Freedom

Featured in “Business Class”  Volume 7  Issue 1

Ten days into the new year, there have already been some snags with new goals and resolutions.  A lot of people are backing down or backing out altogether.  

Did they set their sights too high? 

Or is there something big and scary in the way?

What if they could get over it or around it?

What would that be worth?

For Sue, it could be worth a lot.

We spent our last session in December finalizing her new year goals for business growth.    She  set her sights high and designed  a solid plan to get there.  She needed to learn some new skills – polish some others.  Same for her teammates.   The payoff would be big  – gains in revenue, profits, morale, personal satisfaction and pay checks.   At the end of our session, she beamed with anticipation about the year ahead.

Three weeks later,  this self-motivated, successful and confident woman was like a popped balloon.  She had started on her new plan and already encountered several obstacles.  I asked for an example and she rattled off five, presenting each like a piece of evidence before a jury, making a strong case for postponing, if not cancelling the new plan.

Either one was fine with me but I was surprised and curious about this “evidence”.  Was it real?  Or might it be False Evidence Appearing Real?

So I asked Sue, “What if you could counter this evidence, overcome these obstacles?  What would that be worth to you? ” 

She looked like her normal self again as she reminded herself (and me)of all the possible gains – in revenue, profit, morale, satisfaction and pay.

For some reason, a twelve year old memory flashed through my brain and I asked permission to share it with her.  Here it is. 

On  the way to celebrate a cousin’s birthday at the Slipnslide Waterpark in Wilmington , five year old Ryan said to me, ““Mommy, I don’t want to go down the slide.  You aren’t going to make me, are you?”

My response:   “No Ryan, I’m not going to make you go down the slide.”

He asked the same question at least eight more times during the 2 ½ hour drive.  My answer, the same each time.

The party was in full swing when we arrived.  Ryan and I stood and watched kids of all ages climb  fifty feet to the top, slip and slide and scream and splash into the pool – wiping their eyes and laughing  – then climb out and back to the top for another go.

After watching for a few minutes, Ryan looked up at me and said, “Can I try it once?”

Off he went.  Up. Then down. Out of the water and over to me. “Can I do it again, Mommy?”

Off he went.  Up.  Then down.  Laughing and splashing.  Out of the water and over to me.  “See Mommy.  I told you I would like it.”

I understood.

A few years back, one of my team members had suggested we include a team building ropes course as part of our annual retreat.  It wasn’t a good time since one of our team members was pregnant.  Same thing the next year and the next.  Secretly, I was relieved because the idea made me nervous.

A couple of years later, I signed up for the Chamber of Commerce Leadership Program.  When the information packet arrived, I  discovered that on the schedule for day #1 was a ropes course.  I flipped through to find the attendance policy.  It would be bad to miss the first day.  I had to go. 

I woke up that morning feeling sick.  My hands felt clammy.  I took deep breaths to settle myself down before joining the group.  My luck kicked in.  Hurricane Fran had ripped through North Carolina the month before, doing damage to the high ropes course.  It was not “in service” so we would have to do the low ropes course.  Darn. 

It was no sweat.  Until the end when they took us to a 50 foot wall.  I wasn’t the only one with wide eyes, sweaty palms and stomach flips.  Our facilitators told us that climbing this wall was optional. 

I suited up with harness and helmet and made the climb with two teammates, cheered by a team of onlookers below.    When we got to the top – Wow!  It was an on top of the world feeling.  Strong.  Victorious.  Free! 

I wanted to do it again.

Sue shared a similar story about hiding under her desk during a spelling competition and then going on to win the school championship!   She won by spelling the word  “trepidation”.

Our time was up.  I asked Sue which obstacle (from her “evidence” list) was the scariest.  

She answered and I asked,   “And what if you could overcome it?”

That was it.  She was ready to “climb the wall”.  She did a quick strategy test on me.  It was good. 

But fear is pesky and I wanted to be sure that when it popped up, she would remember that feeling – of pushing through fear – and then feeling the freedom.

So as we said our good-byes, I asked her to spell  “trepidation”.

She laughed and said, “Trepidation.  T-R-E-P-I-D-A-T-I-O-N.  Trepidation.”

She called today to report that she had overcome the first obstacle on the list of many she shared last week.  “I did it!” she said.  “And guess what?  I’m ready to do it again!”

We’ve all been there before. 

With something big and scary blocking our way.  

Sometimes we can coach ourselves through it.

And then sometimes – we need help.

We need someone to “take us there”  or “go with us”.

To help us evaluate and validate the bigness and scariness of this “thing”.

To help us remember why getting over, around or through it is important to us.

To help us remember when we have pushed through similar fear.

To help us remember how good that felt.

To be there at the bottom with us.

To cheer us to the top.

To celebrate with us the freedom we find on the other side.

 

“Ultimately we know deeply that

the other side of every fear 

is a freedom.” 

Marilyn Ferguson   

 

 copyright 2008 – Jan Bolick, Business Class Inc

The author gives permission to distribute copies of this article as long as long as it is copied in full -including the box below.

  Jan is a management coach (CUCG, PCC) with thirty years of sales and management experience.  She loves sharing her experience and expertise with business owners and managers so that they can get through tough situations, and then make and celebrate the achievement of big goals.  

Check out her programs, services & tools at www.businessclassinc.com

One of the free tools she provides is the Business Class E-Zine.  Especially suited for business owners, managers & professionals, it includes ideas & inspiration to boost morale, save time, increase productivity & build business.  Better Business… Better. 

Not yet a subscriber?  We would love to have you!  Just subscribe here for free!  

 

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This Post Has One Comment

  1. Dear Jan,

    I received your newsletter subscription today and just wanted to drop you a note to say Thank You!

    When I read “Fear and Freedom”, tears began to well up inside of me. I know about the wall and the fear, I know about the sliding board and fear. And then as I read the quote from Marilyn Ferguson it came to me that in past weeks and months I had forgotten “. . .that the other side of every fear is a freedom”. I did not know what exactly it meant in that moment as I read, but allowing that message to sit within me overwhelmed me with a great sense of peace. The timing of your newsletter was impeccable. Let me elaborate more.

    I am sure that you have heard in the news about the rut the housing and real estate market is in. For us it began in 2006. Everything was going great and then it was like someone turned the spigot off. We had opened up shop at Topsail Island building and investing in property to build on. Then all of a sudden it was shut down – nothing selling. Then it has moved into this area in the past year. We have had some work going on in the past year but it has been getting slower and slower. In just the past couple of days I had told some employees that if something did not shift that I was going to have to lay them off.

    At the same time during the past couple of months, I have been focusing energy on ______(name of business) Earlier in the fall I had received approval from the Builders Association to teach a pilot class in a retreat setting that would be experiential in nature as opposed to the normal classes with their certification classes. The class was approved for 24 CEU’s for a class that would be over a weekend. In fact, two courses of the same venue were approved – “Born To Fly” – a course in communication skills and team building, and the second course – “It Takes Guts” – a course in leadership skills focused on core inner principles from which to live from.

    During recent weeks, I have been re-doing my website which has been for about four years, putting together some electronic flyers, and preparing a newsletter format. All of this is on course to be launched by the end of this month with the classes being taught in March and April for their first launch at a large house we own in Topsail with some other investors. I have been real excited working on this and fearful at the same time. You know all of those stories creeping in of “What if . . .” I had just been up last night until 1:00 a.m. working on the website. I have been doing it all myself which has kept my creative juices running for the past several weeks – learning new stuff and new software.

    Still in spite of the good energy coming from this and fear – the stuff with construction, two health clubs, real estate, and development has seemed to keep the energy stuck rather than moving. This past week this has been the case more rather than less.

    Back now to this morning. I have already mentioned the movement within me after reading your newsletter this morning. I was not sure what it meant except that I was at peace. That was about 9:30 a.m. I went on further to look at your website which I had never done – impressive work! At 11:00 in a meeting with someone I am sure you know I found out that a job that had been put on hold in December 2006 may be coming back online in the next three weeks. After that meeting I listened to my voicemail to find out that two other jobs that had been in a holding pattern are now online and ready to start. Now my plate is full!

    I am writing to say thank you. My writing is also for another purpose as well along the same lines. Thirty minutes ago I was driving back from Raleigh on a package delivery; pondering on the events of the morning. In the midst of my pondering, my memory refreshed me with the idea that acknowledging those people in my life that give to me and have given to me Moves Energy. Continuing in that frame of mind, I decided that there were some people that I needed to start acknowledging – moreover to be intentional about acknowledgement of one person a day. As I continued driving I decided that you would be the first person and that would be my first task when I returned to the office. Here I am writing.

    For your keeping me on a mailing list even though we have not corresponded in several years. For the support that you have given in the past. For all that you do to make this community, world, and moreover me; a better place – Thank You. I applaud your work

    Peace

    Greg

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